(Last Updated On: December 13, 2017)
As a single girl, I get requested a whole lot of intrusive questions on my love life. “Have you tried dating apps?” (Yes. Every single one.) “Have you considered moving out of a major city? It might be easier.” (Considering my
job and mates are right here, I’m not going to uproot myself to perhaps land a person.) “Don’t you worry about having kids one day?” (Thanks for lowering me to my womb, pal.)
And whereas all of those are horrible, terrible, no-good inquiries, there’s one which bothers me greater than the remaining: “Why are you single?” It’s a ridiculous query to ask an individual — proper up there with, ”
How are you continue to single?” It’s like asking an individual why they are not taller, or why they have been born with brown eyes. I’m undecided why I’m single. If I knew, I won’t be single anymore.
And truthfully, have you ever ever heard somebody ask coupled-up folks why they’re coupled-up? Probably not, as a result of why would somebody ask such a nonsense small-talk query?
But as a result of I thrive in nonsense, I determined to spend per week asking coupled-up folks why they don’t seem to be single. I had some guidelines for this, although. Since I think about this a impolite query that will inevitably result in the particular person telling me to fuck off, I’d solely ask individuals who I did not already intimately know. No badgering my mates and fam about their duo standing. (You’re welcome, guys.)
Ahead, learn the way my week went. Spoiler: I solely obtained informed to fuck off as soon as.
On the primary night time of this experiment, my buddy invited me to a cocktail party she was internet hosting with a bunch of individuals I’d by no means met earlier than. When I arrived, I tossed my coat off, grabbed a glass of champagne, and began speaking to the primary particular person with whom I made eye contact. Her identify was Tara* and we began chatting, ultimately speaking about the truth that she and her boyfriend had not too long ago moved into a brand new residence. I requested her if this was their first time residing collectively, and he or she stated sure.
“Can I ask you a weird question?” I stated. She nodded, and I went in for the kill. “Why are you in a relationship?”
Tara checked out me completely surprised. I assume, for a second, she thought I was hitting on her. But then she began laughing. “No one has ever asked me that before!” she stated. I rapidly defined why I was asking — that, as a single girl, I get requested on a regular basis, however by no means hear folks asking — and he or she stated she’d by no means realized that earlier than.
“I guess I just feel more myself in a relationship,” Tara stated, after taking a minute to assume. “I really love him, and I love our life together. And I like the security of being in a relationship.”
I liked that reply. When I was extra cynical about love, I most likely would have thought-about the thought of being “more yourself” in a relationship too dependent and clingy. In the previous, I most likely would have shaken her and informed her, “YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN!” But coming from Tara, it sounded actually sincere and delightful.
A couple of nights later, I discovered myself alone in an Uber Pool. After a few minutes, the motive force picked up a second passenger — a cute man who seemed like he was in his early 30s. Usually, I’m not eager about chatting in an Uber. But this man seemed pleasant sufficient, so when he requested how my night time was going, I determined to truly speak to him, too.
I requested the place he was coming from, and he informed me his boyfriend’s’s place. “Oh! That’s awesome!” I stated, a bit too excitedly. (Thanks, vodka.) I’d discovered my second particular person to speak to for this story! He gave me a bit side-eye, so I laughed and defined what I did for a residing. “I’m working on a story, and I wonder if I could ask you — why are you in a relationship?”
His eyes widened. “Whoa, that’s heavy,” he stated. He began itemizing off a whole lot of fundamental factoids about his S.O. — he is humorous, they’ve quite a bit in frequent, they usually have good intercourse. I requested him if that was all, and he sighed. “We’ve been together so long, that it just makes sense,” he stated. “But is that a good reason?”
Fearing that I might need simply initiated the breakup of what gave the impression to be a beautiful (and sexually suitable, by the sound of it) couple, I rapidly defined to him why I was asking the query, after which beginning yammering on in regards to the other forms of tales I was engaged on. He was candy and engaged, and we talked till we obtained to my cease. But I might inform that my query nonetheless lingered with him.
One of the explanation why I love the bar across the nook from my residence is as a result of the bartenders are at all times up for a chat. But on this specific night time, my man was busy, so I struck up a dialog with Wyatt*, one other patron sitting close to my stool. We ultimately obtained to flirting, and I was getting some critical vibes from him. So when he obtained as much as go away, I requested for his cellphone quantity, however was stunned when he informed me he had a girlfriend.
“Really?” I requested. “Why are you in a relationship?” Wyatt laughed and requested if that was my method of hitting on him. I informed him no, I revered one other particular person’s declare, however that I actually wished to know.
He leaned in, seemed into my eyes, and stated, “I don’t know. But I think we’re happy.”
For some purpose, I did not imagine him in that second. Why would he be flirting with a lady at a bar if he had a associate again at house? But I tried to do not forget that everyone seems to be on their very own journey, and each relationship is totally different. Wyatt purchased my subsequent drink, paid his tab, after which walked out of the bar — presumably, again to his girlfriend.
After Wyatt left, I struck up a dialog with the couple sitting to my left on the similar bar. They’d simply moved to the neighborhood, so I began giving them strategies of locations they need to check out.
It should have been the beer speaking, however out of nowhere, I simply blurted out the query: “Why are you in a relationship?” They have been each surprised, however then the lady answered me. “What the fuck kind of question is that?” I laughed, however she did not assume it was humorous. “That’s a really rude question to ask, don’t you think?” she stated.
I tried to clarify why I was asking, however she did not need to hear it. Her associate, however, did not know what to say. I was completely embarrassed, and figuring that there was no swish approach to extract myself from the dialog, I paid my tab, apologized, and left the bar.
The lesson there? Maybe this can be a impolite query, in any case.
I’m undecided there is a grand, life-altering lesson to be discovered right here. But I definitely confirmed my perception that relationship standing does not actually let you know a lot about who an individual is at their core. More importantly, I was reminded that I really do not need to reply intrusive questions on my relationship life.
So the subsequent time somebody asks, “Why are you still single?” I will not reply the query because it’s requested. I’ll say, “I’m not really sure, but it’s opened me up to some really amazing experiences.” And then I’ll go about filling within the blanks of what makes me a totally fleshed-out one that simply occurs to not be in a relationship. Because, for probably the most half, the people who find themselves inquiring are seemingly well-meaning — and telling somebody to fuck off is not actually my most popular technique.
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